The thin line

The thin line
Between present and absent,
Between together and apart
Between with you and without you
Makes the world worth of difference.

If only,
It was as easy to pick side
As it was to breathe,
As it was to go through the motions of daily life,
As it was to be human.

Then wouldn’t it be the best thing ever
To know no difference
Between having and not having
Between being and not being
Between loving and not loving
Between heart breaking and not breaking.

The whole world engulfed in hazy illusion,
Minds filled with happy delusions.
None would feel the stark hollow
Eating up the insides,
Leaving an empty shell
Too dispossessed to call human.

If only,
it was as easy to choose,
As it was to see,
As it was to feel,
As it was to know
And understand the futility of all that we strive for.

‘Cause nothing we ever do is going to be enough,
There is no end to the expectations,
It’s years yet to the finish line.

If only,
there were no distinction
Between enough and not enough..

#KoiralaDRashmi
#Thoughts
#Feels

#2018/10/09

Awkwardness

Dear Man,
You said that you were trying to understand
If not by experiencing then by reading.
At first you started by questioning
Then later you decided to pick the other side
In your debates. But it was still not enough.
So you picked movies to reach even deeper.
You empathized the characters so both of you could feel together
The pains of being taken for granted,
Of our voices being dismissed,
Of our very own nature being defined by others!
On huge forums, you don’t hesitate to whiplash the bigoted
With your conversant words of feminism.
You never shy away from broadcasting your position
Never passing a chance to involve in active discussions.
You even involve in multiple researches
Always trying to be better, you introspect.
But in situations demanding your actions, why do you hesitate?
Are small daily life situations not worth noticing?
Or is it just public forum that gets you speaking?
Are you still bound by the social sense of propriety,
That it prevents you from acting?

#KoiralaDRashmi
#Female
#Question
#Itsnotinournaturetowanttodohouseholdchores
#Dashain

#2018/10/18

Estrangement

A sudden burst of emotions
Causing a rippling effect
And all that’s settled becomes unsettled
Covered in an awkward fogginess.
One moment you are a household name
And the next you’re a complete stranger
Failing to find purchase.
The past comes flashing in a rapid bursts of lightning
Bringing with it a storm of intense longing.
You try and jump, but fail to grab hold
Hands flailing clutching empty air.
An epiphany.
You’re a stranger no more
Just a person belonging to the other side.
Too afraid to venture outside.
The fear of estrangement still fresh in mind,
You try to find a safe shell to retreat to
Stumped by your own curiosity and naiveity
A lion cub still remembering her first thorn.
Learning the hard way that
Not every thing is as easy as it seems.
Deception lies in the seemingly simple ones.
And you keep thinking,
If only someone had told me,
What was at the other side…

#KoiralaDRashmi
#OldPoem
#Feeling
#2018/10/25

A series of delicate events

Cold air, chilly night sky
So blue,
So high.
When am I gonna pass you by?
Squint.
It’s barely there.
Hurry up, it’s gonna disappear!
Blown away with the wind.
Search and search, upturn the earth
But you still won’t find.
Dispersed to millions.
Like dandelions.
Ain’t it quaint?
Crafted in snow
Dwadling, drifting flake
Uneager to touch ground, too slow
Just hanging there, deliberate.
Stupefied.
No more transformation.
It’s absolute rejection.
Behold it rising with the easterlies
Higher than the skies if you please.
Have you left, or are you still here?
Just wait a while, I’ll soon be there.
Stop!
Where are you going?
Brave, that you aren’t,
So at what are you playing?
Those pretty lies, uttered in delirium
Unwanted metamorphosis, a lousy conclusion.
Turns out they were a series of delicate events
The resilient ones, impossible to prevent.

#KDR

#WhateverComesToMind

#2019/01/08

You and me

You want me to sigh no more
But all you ever do is sigh at me.
I often wonder about my existence,
What exactly am I supposed to be?
I tried to know myself through your eyes
But all your eyes see are your insecurities manifested in me.
You want me to expand
But you shrink me with your careless cruelty.
Want me to rule the sky
But fear setting my wings free.
When I sleep at night I often wonder
When I’m dead and gone, will you shed tears for me?
Or will you just shake your head and say,
“Losers really aren’t of any worth to me”.
What exactly is kindness?
Is it same to you as it is to me?
Or is it as overrated as freedom,
And is subjective to the way we see?
They say people are just mirrors and I wonder,
Am I reflecting you or is it you that’s reflecting me?
Because I often feel like I have turned into you,
So you must also feel like you’ve turned into me.
A weird loop we’ve created around us
Of me hurting you and you hurting me.
Like a myopic frog trapped inside a kaleidoscope,
Wherever we look it’s only us we ever see.

#KDR

#2017/01/05

Dear moon

I stared at you and thought
You’re better staying up there.
‘Cause once you come down,
I wouldn’t be able to let you go.
I hid behind the mountains,
Between the lush trees,
Your probing rays of moonlight
Never let me go out of your sight.
Sometimes in their absence I’d wonder,
If you’d finally decided to part ways?
Tired of the never ending hide and seek
You finally returned to your place?
But then with a dazzling suddenness
You’d illuminate me with your slivery brilliance.
Sometimes you’d hide behind the clouds
Teasing me, building on my impatience,
You’d mercilessly toss my heart around.
In those stormy nights with defeaning sound
You’d hide behind the flashing lights.
My heart in my hands, I’d pace around, the whole night.
It’s been a while now that you’ve disappeared,
My dear moon where have you gone?
Can’t you see that without you I’m so alone?
I keep staring at the sky,
Waiting for that ray to touch me
And to catch that mischievous eye,
Slowly opening up, unable to resist.
You once again saturate me in your angelic light.
Like a baby uncovering his Christmas gift,
And I’d finally shout, “Caught you! Oh dear Moon.”, jumping in delight.
#KDR
#2018/11/25

Waiting for morning tea

The sweet aroma wafting from the neighboring table
Alerted me of your imminent arrival
And I, like a wilful inebriate, immediately perked up
Already imagining the silky satisfying taste
Penetrating through my taste buds, rousing all my senses,
With almost an orgasmic intensity.
And I just sat there basking in imaginary delight,
Pleased at your imminent arrival.
#KDR

Cold shower

Splash!
The first touch on the skin
Undulated a series of shivers
That rivaled even the spar of tectonic plates
Intent on redesigning the face of the earth.
I too intent on scrubbing away all the greasy musk
Kept on repeating the torture incessantly.
At first it was like being whipped with a barbed iron wire
But afterwards, as is the nature, I adapted.
Engulfed in a canopy of numbness,
I started moving my hands, inspecting,
Every surface, the mountains and the valleys,
The protrusions and the depressions.
Riveted to reach the goal, enjoying the thrill of chase
Sighing in content, relishing in the afterglow of that what was achieved,
Frowning at all the self inflicted torture.
Now, lazing around, basking in the cozy rays of the sun,
A warm happiness pulsing in the core
Peeks out through a soft content smile,
And I realize, in the end all of this was worth it.

#KDR

Illusions

Sometimes I see myself
Walking the whole distance with you.
A simple gesture unfolds a world
Spinning out of a creative spiral
And I live out a whole life time within moments.
Unable to accept as easily
I vision myself a faux reality,
A new spiral from a new vortex,
New emotions spewing out of a newly constructed leak.
I’m living multiple illusions within a single illusion.
Lost in those illusionary confusion I get up and fall.
I put meanings into words,
See that was not to be seen.
Provoke the incessant chatter in my mind,
And vigorously wish it to be gone.
All the time wishing to speak them out loud
If only there was somebody to listen.

#KDR
#2018/12/03

Becoming dust

I decided to fly high
Giving it my all,
Arms stretched wide
Angelic wings sprouting behind me
In ivory burst.
When the sky fell down
I didn’t even realize
How short lived the dream was,
Shattering our eternity
In a matter of seconds,
Without leaving a moment to scream.
All that remained was dust
Carried away by the wind
With it all those memories
Simply gone.
Scattered away
Leaving only the echoes
Of painful transformations.
#KDR