False beliefs

He did say “Let there be light.”
Only, there wasn’t.
It was supposed to be filled.
Only, empty it still remained.
They promised it’d be easy.
It wasn’t supposed to be this arduous.
So convinced I was about the waiting.
Never even considered questioning.
And now all I do is question
The reason I can’t breakfree.
The reason I waited all these years.
The reason I believed
All those lies about myself.
And now all of them are becoming true.
Those monsters grow bigger every day.
Draining away even the residual rays.
And one thought keeps reverberating
Hitting the rubber walls of empty shell.
“He said “Let there be light.”
But why can’t I see it?
They said everything will be perfect.
But why isn’t it? ”
A swirling black hole, ever increasing.
It’s eating away at my patience.
None of the books seem to out-reason it.
A jingle sung in a beautiful voice.
“It’s alright…. It’s alright”
So beautiful, so dreamy.
All that matters now is the jingle, or is it a song?
The roiling black hole seem to like it.
It seems to disperse,
In an oroborus phantasmagoria.
But the uneasiness lingers, circling the edge
Never really fading away.
Always biding time, ready to rear its fangs.
#KoiralaDRashmi
#2018/08/12

Advertisements

Stranger

O stranger,
I saw you walking,
Wearing the faces of my loved ones,
Stirring some memories settled in the far recesses of my heart.

O stranger,
I saw you from afar,
When I was trying to overcome the murky waves,
Of despair and depression,
Incessantly pulling me into their dark humid bottom.

O stranger,
You shined like a beacon
Loosening the sticky tentacles
Washing away the muck with your purifying rain.

O stranger,
When I saw you, I cried,
Remembering the days bygone,
When there weren’t any strangers around.

O stranger,
Those beautiful moments haunt me.
They want me to stand still, reliving them.
And I stand there petrified by their unrelenting vines,
My mind listening to your plea,
But my heart still firmly settled in the bottomless pit.

O stranger,
What do I do?
Do I trust you, who wears the faces of my loved ones?
Or do I trust my memories, relieving the days bygone?
Or do I ignore both of you and surrender to the wind of no return,
Assimilating myself into it,
Spreading far and wide, till the eternity,
Passing by many strangers like you
And creating even beautiful memories?

#KoiralaDRashmi
#Afterawhile
#Feelings
#2018/09/30

Thoughts

Whole life you spend entangled in your own thoughts
Giving them iron clad bodies
Emboldening even their spirits through your insecurities
Forever planning the road to emancipation but never attempting the escape.

Your small revolutionary thought just sprouting under novice influence
Gets trampled under the huge footsteps of socially designed labels
And once again you are stunned to silence
Unable to process the turn of events,
Just standing there mirroring a still fish.

You shake your mind once, settling back in the comfort of your thoughts
Ever wondering about the unusual open eyed reverie.
The barbed iron coils tighten even more
And you sigh comfortably settling your back against the poking pikes
Like the perfectly trained masochist, you are.

#KoiralaDRashmi
#TraitorousSleep
#MentalMusings
#2018/10/03

The thin line

The thin line
Between present and absent,
Between together and apart
Between with you and without you
Makes the world worth of difference.

If only,
It was as easy to pick side
As it was to breathe,
As it was to go through the motions of daily life,
As it was to be human.

Then wouldn’t it be the best thing ever
To know no difference
Between having and not having
Between being and not being
Between loving and not loving
Between heart breaking and not breaking.

The whole world engulfed in hazy illusion,
Minds filled with happy delusions.
None would feel the stark hollow
Eating up the insides,
Leaving an empty shell
Too dispossessed to call human.

If only,
it was as easy to choose,
As it was to see,
As it was to feel,
As it was to know
And understand the futility of all that we strive for.

‘Cause nothing we ever do is going to be enough,
There is no end to the expectations,
It’s years yet to the finish line.

If only,
there were no distinction
Between enough and not enough..

#KoiralaDRashmi
#Thoughts
#Feels

#2018/10/09

Awkwardness

Dear Man,
You said that you were trying to understand
If not by experiencing then by reading.
At first you started by questioning
Then later you decided to pick the other side
In your debates. But it was still not enough.
So you picked movies to reach even deeper.
You empathized the characters so both of you could feel together
The pains of being taken for granted,
Of our voices being dismissed,
Of our very own nature being defined by others!
On huge forums, you don’t hesitate to whiplash the bigoted
With your conversant words of feminism.
You never shy away from broadcasting your position
Never passing a chance to involve in active discussions.
You even involve in multiple researches
Always trying to be better, you introspect.
But in situations demanding your actions, why do you hesitate?
Are small daily life situations not worth noticing?
Or is it just public forum that gets you speaking?
Are you still bound by the social sense of propriety,
That it prevents you from acting?

#KoiralaDRashmi
#Female
#Question
#Itsnotinournaturetowanttodohouseholdchores
#Dashain

#2018/10/18

Estrangement

A sudden burst of emotions
Causing a rippling effect
And all that’s settled becomes unsettled
Covered in an awkward fogginess.
One moment you are a household name
And the next you’re a complete stranger
Failing to find purchase.
The past comes flashing in a rapid bursts of lightning
Bringing with it a storm of intense longing.
You try and jump, but fail to grab hold
Hands flailing clutching empty air.
An epiphany.
You’re a stranger no more
Just a person belonging to the other side.
Too afraid to venture outside.
The fear of estrangement still fresh in mind,
You try to find a safe shell to retreat to
Stumped by your own curiosity and naiveity
A lion cub still remembering her first thorn.
Learning the hard way that
Not every thing is as easy as it seems.
Deception lies in the seemingly simple ones.
And you keep thinking,
If only someone had told me,
What was at the other side…

#KoiralaDRashmi
#OldPoem
#Feeling
#2018/10/25

A series of delicate events

Cold air, chilly night sky
So blue,
So high.
When am I gonna pass you by?
Squint.
It’s barely there.
Hurry up, it’s gonna disappear!
Blown away with the wind.
Search and search, upturn the earth
But you still won’t find.
Dispersed to millions.
Like dandelions.
Ain’t it quaint?
Crafted in snow
Dwadling, drifting flake
Uneager to touch ground, too slow
Just hanging there, deliberate.
Stupefied.
No more transformation.
It’s absolute rejection.
Behold it rising with the easterlies
Higher than the skies if you please.
Have you left, or are you still here?
Just wait a while, I’ll soon be there.
Stop!
Where are you going?
Brave, that you aren’t,
So at what are you playing?
Those pretty lies, uttered in delirium
Unwanted metamorphosis, a lousy conclusion.
Turns out they were a series of delicate events
The resilient ones, impossible to prevent.

#KDR

#WhateverComesToMind

#2019/01/08